(inner) winter - Flims, Graubünden

“I wake up to the familiar sensation, and bleeding begins. Half awake, half asleep, my mind is ready to move, but my body feels heavy, swollen, slow. A pull between hiding and pushing forward.

I step out of the duvet, dressing to go unnoticed, yet I apply makeup, as if painting over my discomfort. One hand hugs my body, the other grips flowers fiercely, a contrast of softness and strength.

Before Motherhood: Menstruation hit like a sudden knockout, I’d lie depleted, flowers scattered around me, my body paralysed by pain.

Since Motherhood: Premenstruation is a blur of overwhelm and doubt, emotions I can’t quite grasp. But when the bleeding starts, clarity returns. My mind sharpens, but my body swells, uncomfortable. I shrink, yet try to reclaim myself.

Menstruation is a paradox, letting go while holding on, hiding while standing strong.